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THE GENTLE ART OF ………
KISSING
• How do you know if a girl wants you to kiss her?
• What do you do if she does!?
• What makes a good kiss?
• And what makes a bad one?
MOTH sent out our experts to discover the facts on kissing. We gathered stories about first kisses, horror stories about bad kissers, and we checked with some pretty girls all around the country that we think you’d like to kiss and asked them for pointers on what makes a good kisser.
You may be more interested in sports or video games than girls right now, that’s okay. You may even think that girls are gross and icky – but someday you may need this information…..
FIRST KISSES
Have you ever kissed a girl? Aunts and grandmas don’t count.
It’s inevitable. Whether it is at a school dance, playing spin the bottle, or just because you think a girl on the playground is really cute – soon you’ll have your first kiss.
First kisses are one of those things you will always remember – long after all the other ex-girlfriends become a jumbled blur.
Important things to remember:
1) There is no deadline for a first kiss. The people we spoke to experienced their first kiss as young as 5 and as old as 18. One girl we spoke to was in her twenties and still waiting for the right guy.
2) It’s not a race. A first kiss is special, why not have another. There is no need to rush into tongue kissing. Take time to build your friendship, gain her trust, and simply enjoy each stage of your relationship.
My first kiss was when I was in the fifth grade. It was with Melissa, the little red-headed girl that lived next door. She started it. She asked me to swing her into my arms like we were dancing in an old movie, ending in an embrace with a peck. We did that all the time until I moved away that summer. Always with me swinging her into my arms ending in just a little peck on the lips. The other girls on the block would watch and giggle, the boys on the block wanted nothing to do with us.
When I was in the seventh grade carpooling in a van, I rested my head on my friend Eric’s twin sister’s lap. Her name was Terry and I had a BIG crush on her. Out of the blue she leaned over and kissed me tongue and all. I didn’t know what to do but just lay there. The next day Eric punched me and warned me never to touch his sister again.
Most first kisses don’t end with a fist fight, but all of them are fun stories. Here’s some of the first kiss stories our readers and our staff contributed: Click Here ->
mothboys.org/?d=article&cat=intro&a=24
HOW DO YOU KNOW IF A GIRL WANTS YOU TO KISS HER?
In those early years of Junior High I had no idea how to kiss a girl so I just let them kiss me! Unfortunately that meant when the girls wanted me to kiss them and I chickened out the girls would think I didn’t like them and they’d dump me.
How do you know if a girl wants you to kiss her? Girls have this way of providing subtle signs to hint that they are interested they rarely just bluntly say what they want, you’re supposed to figure it out. This is a frustrating habit you’ll have to deal with the rest of your life!
Be aware of her body language. Is she facing you? Leaning in towards you? Is she making light contact like stroking your arm? Is she making fleeting glances and biting her lip? Or playing with her hair? Those are signs that she is interested in you.
Does she seem distracted? Is she fumbling through her purse? Watching the clock? Turning her body away from you? Or is she actively talking to you about something that is important to her? Or watching her favorite scene of Sponge Bob Square Pants the Movie? Those are signs that its not a good time to lay one on her.
A first kiss is not something to be rushed. When the time is right, you’ll know it. Don’t ask; that’s lame. You just have to look her in the eyes, lean in, and try. If you are uncertain, start with brushing back her hair and leaning towards her, if she doesn’t lean away kiss her cheek and see how she responds. If she welcomes that kiss her gently on the lips. Keep your tongue in your mouth! First kisses are not the right time for tonsil hockey. Save that for another day.
If she rejects your kiss, don’t force it, don’t ask her why, and don’t be upset. Just play it cool and back off. Work on building your friendship with her and get a better feel for her body language. And if she’s not interested in you, just move on. Sometimes it may seem like the girl you like is the only girl like her in the world, but that’s just not so. Get to know more girls and you’ll find a new one to crush on in no time.
WHAT TO DO IF SHE DOES WANT YOU TO KISS HER?
Now you’ve built up the nerve, you know you both are interested – the next step is both crucial and scary. If you’re a good kisser she’s going to describe every second of that first kiss to all of her girlfriends and if you’re a bad kisser she’s going to tell all of her girlfriends and about 20-30 other people including all the other girls you want to kiss. You’re going to earn a reputation around school as either a good kisser or a bad kisser. You want a reputation as a good kisser.
In the eighth grade I gained a secret weapon, Lora, the girl next door. Lora never wanted me to swing her into my arms (shucks) but she did like to sit outside with me on summer evenings and talk for hours. Lora was very pretty and very popular and listening to her was like reading the secret instruction book on popularity. One night we started talking about bad kissers. She did all the talking; meanwhile I was playing along like I could relate while I was really memorizing every word for future reference.
• Remember, you may not be able to smell your breath, but she can. You don’t want to be pegged as a stinky kisser so keep a clean mouth and plenty of breath fresheners handy. (see pointers in our Hygiene section below) Offer her one as well so she won’t be self conscious.
• Set the right mood. A first kiss should be shared between just the two of you – not in front of the entire school, or your friends, or her family! So find a quiet corner or a tree to sneak under.
• Look her in the eyes, lean in with you head slightly tilted so you don’t bump noses, and kiss her gently on the lips. Keep it slow and light. Don’t smash your mouth into hers and for that first kiss keep your tongue in your mouth.
• Keep your eyes closed while kissing.
• Embrace her. It may start with holding hands or caressing her hair, but as you lean in for that kiss you should wrap your arms around her and gently pull her towards you.
• Breath. Okay now you’ve had your first kiss, come up for air and move on. Hold her hand, gaze into her eyes, enjoy her presence. Taking it slow will keep her interested.
• Be human. Remember that she’s probably just as nervous as you. It’s alright if you bump noses or teeth the first time. Laugh it off and try again. Compliment her kissing afterwards.
“FRENCH” KISSING
Tongue Kissing, commonly known as “French Kissing,” “Deep Kissing, ” or my favorite “tonsil hockey” refers to the kissing where one persons tongue enters the others mouth. This type of kissing is usually associated with couples who have entered a more serious phase of dating and isn’t recommended for first kisses.
Tongue Kissing can be awkward and messy and it is usually where guys mess up the most and embarrass themselves. Here are some pointers we’ve collected:
• Start with regular soft kisses. Then lightly touch her lips with your tongue to let her know you want to tongue kiss. If she’s not responsive than save the tongue kissing for another day or another girl.
• Keep it dry! You need to lightly moisten your lips with a wipe of your tongue before kissing, but your lips should not be wet. While kissing, try to keep it dry. The most common complaint about bad kissers is too much saliva exiting the bad kissers mouth.
• Don’t eat her face. If your mouth is wide open you are doing something wrong. You only need to open your mouth enough for your tongue to slip out.
• Don’t choke her. She already has a tongue of her own she doesn’t need all of yours in her mouth. You just want some playful interaction between the tips of each other’s tongues, usually a slow swirling motion and/or the occasional slow and forceful entry of the tongue into the girls mouth. Don’t probe around with your tongue, it’ll makes your tongue stiffen up.
• Avoid propeller tongue (whipping your tongue in circles inside her mouth) or other spastic movements. Keep things soft and gentle, when it comes to tongue kissing less is always better.
• Breath. Don’t hold your breath. Breath lightly through your nose. Taking a break from kissing to catch your breath is better than heavy exhaling over her face.
• Read her body language – if she’s pulling back from you, lighten up, if she’s holding you tighter than embrace her more. Don’t be too controlling - be sure to let her to lead the kissing as well. If she starts to close her mouth that’s her way of saying its time to stop.
• My personal tip for you guys – following a really passionate kiss, lightly nip her bottom lip with your teeth as you pull away.
BEST OF …. THE WORST KISSERS
Learn from other’s mistakes! - Here are some bad kisser stories sent to us by our friends:
My worst kiss, well there are several. I have had tongues go down my throat. I had a face licker once. I would have to say the best kiss was a girl named Donna who had the softest lips in the world.
-anonymous
"Propellor tongue" *gags* I had a moment like that and it was quite possibly the worst kiss ever.
Saliva control! - When you end up with buckets of their saliva all over your face that is a bad thing. I don't want to have to go in and wash off my face after you kiss me.
Chicken pecks - I had someone who make really loud smack noises when we kissed. That was just an all around weird experience anyway.
Fish kisses - I think he was trying to eat my face. He had his lips OVER mine so I ended up with saliva almost up my nose :O
Christina
Yukon, OK
As far as bad kisses on my side, I can't side I've had any. I got a feeling I'm the one that's the "bad kiss" story for someone else, heeh. Not really sure but for me, I can't say I've got much I could complain about.
Joe
Shreveport, LA
I have kissed several guys that have been BAD kissers. Usually is involves being really sloppy or not knowing what to do with their tongues. Nothing is worse than pulling away from a kiss and having to wipe your face off with a towel. LOL
Chandra
Cleveland, OH
Worst kiss, age 17, Project Graduation field trip on a bumpy bus ride with my current fiance. We leaned in for a kiss and hit a bump. We banged teeth and part of my front tooth (that was broken and repaired as a child) broke off in her mouth. Painful kisses are the worst. No, I take that back. Painful kisses that require repeated explanation to teachers, friends, and parents afterwards are the worst. People tend to notice when part of your tooth is missing
John
California
Not sure how graphic you want us to be….
Basically he was swirling his fat tongue around in my mouth and kinda jabbing at my tonsils. I think he thought it was sexy. When a girl get kissed for the first time she wants it to be soft and gentle not forced and sticky. I really got forced and sticky on both those events.
And yes I did get better kissers later in life. The best first kiss with a new beau I ever had was the one where he kissed the top half of my lip and then the bottom half. Not forced, just soft. I melted into my shoes.
Amy G.
Arlington, VA
HYGIENE
With your fingernail, scrape a little tarter off of your back teeth and smell it. YUCK! Would you stick your mouth in a bowl of that? That is why keeping a clean mouth is essential for good kissing. And since you never know when the opportunity may arise, it’s a good idea to follow these guidelines for clean mouth everyday.
We checked with our resident dentist, Dr. Steve to find out the best way to prevent bad breath....
1) Brush you teeth everyday! Don't forget to brush your tongue. Your tongue harbors millions of bacteria that cause bad breath. To sufficiently clean your teeth, you need to brush twice daily with a soft toothbrush.
2) Floss. If you don't like flossing, try using floss piks. They make flossing easy. Food and bacteria cab get in between your teeth causing your gums to bleed and a bad odor in your mouth.
3) Mouthwash. A good antiseptic rinse can lower the bacterial count in your mouth that cause bad breath. Find a ADA (American Dental Association) approved mouthwash.
4) Professional dental cleaning; it is important to have a professional cleaning(recommended every 6 months)to keep your teeth healthy. Once tartar has formed on your tooth, no amount of brushing or flossing will remove it; dental professionals have specific instruments that can remove tartar.
5) Before a date avoid spicy food-----
6) Don't smoke. It’s like putting your mouth in an ash tray. -Smoking lowers your immune system which can cause bacteria to multiply. Smoking give you bad breath that can't be masked by a simple mint.
7) Mints, mouth spray, and chewing gum-these are plenty ways to make your breath smell fresh before a kiss-use them-BUT try to use sugar-free means. Remember sugar supplies bacteria with ammunition.
8) Remember -mints and gum only mask the bad breath problem. See a dental professional if bad breath persists.
So what have you learned? If you have any stories to share, discuss this topic with other MOTH Boys at mothboys.org/board/
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